Thursday, June 27, 2013

Greedy Bin

Our bin is soooo greedy. Today it ate loads of good stuff that could've come to me. Meat packages, left over sandwiches, scrapings off the HB's plates, I could go on, but it's becoming a little upsetting. I think I'll go for a lie down.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Vets...What's The Big Deal?

I love going to the vets. I went yesterday. My vets is called Nine Lives and I only got in by default as Sophie the cat was already the HBs pet before I was welcomed into the bosom of the pack. They're more of a cats vets really. Oh I suppose they had Nibbles too, but I'm not sure if guinea pigs qualify as proper pack members, not officially anyway.

Anyway I was telling you about my annual booster. I go up to Nine Lives for the general once over and an injection. Joy - one of the lovely vets there, did my check up, listened to my heart, peered at my eyes and ears, that sort of thing. She said my ears were getting a bit hairy and that I was putting on a bit of weight, how rude. I said nothing about her.

I got a few biscuits whilst she did the injection (I didn't feel a thing) which proved that I'm not fat after all. I then got weighed (turns out I have gained a little since my last visit).

Am I fat or not? I'm so confused. All I know is that the supply of gravy bones is definitely lessening. Boo.

I'm being side tracked. My point is, like a told the cowering cat in the waiting room, don't be such a bunch of chickens. The vets is cool. You get loads of pats and tummy tickles and they give you cat biscuits. What more could you want?

Saturday, June 15, 2013

I Was Robbed

Total fix, that's all I can say. As if that chocolate lab was the most handsome dog - pah, anyone can see that I should've won it and not even to be placed: what an outrage. Bribes, some kind of hidden conspiracy, the judge must've been in cahoots with the owners, what other explanation is there? Then to be snubbed a second time in the next category - Dog the Judge Would Most Like To Take Home...well it's beyond a joke. I've a good mind to write to my MP.



Fay, the older small HB was so upset and so she should be. We stayed through the pouring rain for that, for what? For nothing, that's what.

Mind you thinking it through, now I'm back in the warm, I did get a bone both times just for taking part and there were loads of dogs there to play with and sniff too, plus a bit of rain never hurt anyone, so all in all, it wasn't so bad.

Even Fay cheered up, she drew me on the blackboard with my bone and the red rosette on that I should've won, if I wasn't robbed.


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Trouble With Babies

After my brilliant walk today (where I found a dead rabbit and started to eat it), the smallest HB I've ever seen came round for a visit. They call them babies not puppies - weird isn't it?

I wanted to be his friend at first and came over all waggy and bendy to say hello, but it wasn't the usual friendly HB response that I'm used to, he kind of just dribbled and grabbed at me.

On retrospect, there are a few things that I'm not happy about. I have to weigh up the pros and cons of babies, based on my recent experience, to see if I like them or not.

CONS:
1. They are noisy. This one didn't cry but there were lots of spluttering and odd shouty noises that came out of him that didn't seem right to me.
2. They pull your fur. This one kept going for my beard. Tugging away at it he was, no thought to my feelings on the matter.
3. They pull other bits of you, like your ears and your tail. It's enough to test the patience of a saint.
4. They take up the main HBs attention. I like to have Mummy to myself thank you. It's bad enough to have to share her with her own small HBs let alone some random one she found from a friend or whatever. 'Hello', I wanted to shout, 'I'm still alive over here.'

PROS:
1. They smell pretty good, kind of interesting, especially round their bottoms.
2. They drop lots of bits of tasty food. This one crawled about leaving a tiny trail of rice cake crumbs - delicious.
3. They don't tell you off or try to boss you around like the bigger HBs

Lets add them up then, 4 vs 3, so no, I don't like babies. No thank you, not today.

Georgina

Mummy has this friend called Georgina. She's the only HB who really understands me. She says, 'oh Stanley,' a lot and it makes my legs crumble.

She often has lots of other dogs at her house running a mock, but I know I am her favourite. Her dog, Oscar is getting on a bit now. Tell you what though, you don't want to cross him. I tried to get his toy octopus off him the other day and he went mental at me. I bet it's all those dogs running around trying to sleep in his bed and stuff, must really get on his nerves. He scared me a bit, he's like The Don.

I love Georgina and her house. I like to boss the other dogs that visit around a bit. Georgina always gives me loads of strokes and listens to all my troubles, plus she saves the best treats for me too.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Stanley Fans

The small HBs had loads of other small HBs running around the place this weekend as it was their birthday. I knew a couple of them as they are members of the Stanley Fan Club. Here I am giving them their free tummy tickles.

One or two of them wanted me to jump through hoops - literally. They shouted, 'hoopla'  and had a hula hoop held up in the air. I did neat little jumps through the hoop, kicking my legs out to the back. I didn't really feel like jumping but I did it to please them as they had little expectant faces. It was good anyway as I got a gravy bone for my troubles and they laughed, clapped and told me I was a good boy. I don't mind hoopla at all, not when I get lots of strokes and stuff.

There was singing and cake and things. I wanted to pop the balloons, that's brilliant fun, but I didn't. I'll get them later, or maybe I won't (element of surprise).

I got them the best present I could (along with the hula hoops which I wrapped up with my own fair paws), no not a poo in the garden for them to step in, but free life time membership into the Stanley Fan Club. They can now tickle my tummy any time anywhere (even the middle of the night) and its all for free. I know what you're thinking - lucky little HBs. Aren't they just?